We should try Something new tonight.
I feel like uh... We're in a rut.
Y'know, maybe tonight, We just don't go out.
Monday night, We'll switch it up
And we'll make it "Eat-in" night.
Mmm...
I don't like to Mess with
The rhythm of the week, Like that, y'know ?
I really look forward To eating at a restaurant
Every monday night, With my son
Y'know, because We're not distracted
The way we are at home When we have dinner.
We're usually sitting In front of the tv.
Yeah.
Why don't we-- you know what, Why don't we decide later.
I'll meet you At the bar.
At which bar ?
At your bar.
Well, that's probably not A good idea because--
Why ?
I don't know, ben, it just Makes me a little uncomfortable.
But i'll meet you near the bar.
Why can't i Go to the bar ?
Well--
It just seems like That would be A good place
And restaurants are near,
There are Restaurants near--
No, it just seems like uh, like It's a little out of your way.
Y'know, dad, i've been to Bars before, you know that.
Fine, so we'll Meet at the bar.
Okay.
What's the big deal.
Yeah.
I'll meet you Out front.
Good morning, laura.
Good morning.
What happened To your finger ?
Mmm, what are you Talking about ?
There's an enormous ring On your finger, laura.
That looks almost like An engagement ring.
Well, yeah, i got Engaged over the weekend.
You're kidding me.
Mm-mmm.
I didn't even realize That you were going steady.
Yeah, me either.
Well, laura, this is Wonderful news.
Can i give you A big hug ?
Well it's...
Come here, you.
Mmm... Can you Let go now ?
Oops, sorry.
Um, so tell me, tell me A little something about him.
What's his name ?
Um, hans.
And, and what does He do, hans ?
Well, he's in a band.
And then he works In a book store.
Well that's great, laura.
I really, i-i, I am so happy for you.
To have a partner in life Is such a wonderful thing.
Do you like his band ?
Not really.
Do you like hans ?
Well, i guess so.
I have a good feeling About this.
Someone asked me recently How i would describe myself
In two words.
And i would say that If i had only two words,
I would say "big fairy".
I'm a big fairy and a lot of People don't know that about me.
And it's not, i'm not Trying to say that i'm gay
Or that i'm afraid to fight,
That's not what i mean By "big fairy".
Right.
I mean that i'm, I'm magical.
Mm-hmm.
I'm a magical fairy-- And i'm a big fairy
'Cause most fairies are Little, you know, with wings.
I'm a big damn fairy, man
I'll magic Your ass out of here
If you don't watch it.
You know when you're waiting In line for a long time
And you just pick someone To start looking at
And to just start forming an Opinion on with no information ?
Mm-hmm.
It's never nice, you know ?
You never think, "hey that looks Like a pleasant fellow."
You're always looking going, "Eh, look at his shoes.
"What a dick.
"God, wh- With his briefcase.
"What a jerk With his briefcase.
"What is that a wig ?
"I hate that guy.
What a prick, God, i hate him."
And the whole time they're Just standing there, uh,
They have no idea that You're just standing there
Boiling with Hatred, you know ?
And in ten seconds you get your Change, you forget they exist.
I think that's the part That's so cruel.
Hi, is this the bar ?
Uh, yeah.
So you must be The uh, "keep".
Yup, i'm the "keep".
Keep.
Yeah, what can I get ya ?
I guess, um, i will have a um, Wh- whadya got, um ?
Well, i don't know, Look around,
We, pretty much whatever-- Do you want--
You know what, i'm gonna have Something alcoholic,
That's what I'm gonna do.
I will have a um, i guess I'll have a brandy.
A brandy.
Yeah.
Okay, could i See some id ?
All right.
You're not the ben katz ?
The son of Dr. Jonathan katz ?
Um, wh-why ?
He's a friend of mine.
He comes in here All the time.
My dad.
Yes, i am.
So you are ben ?
Yeah, i'm ben.
Oh my gosh !
Yeah, and You're julie.
That's right.
I was playing it cool, i didn't Wanna, y'know make it like--
Oh my gosh !
I knew who you were
But my dad, y'know Has mentioned you.
Oh, okay, All right.
Yeah.
I'm just surprised and pleasantly surprised
To see you here and Okay, here you go.
Thanks.
Do you want some water On the side for that ?
I really didn't mean to order Brandy, i just kind of panicked.
Oh, do you want me to Get you something else ?
Well, i guess i'll have a, Just a soda or something.
Yeah ?
Okay, okay.
So what is my dad like When he's here.
Is there like Any good stories,
Like, about him Taking off his clothes or--
No, no, no.
He doesn't do that.
Does my dad talk about me At all, or is it...
Oh, that's what he Always talks about.
Really ?
Yeah !
Is it the like, neg- The negative
Or is it mostly positive ?
It's funny.
Funny.
You know, "ben stories", They're, they're funny.
Ha ! Funny.
This really bothered me--
The other day i was um, Walking down the street
And these french people Walked up to me.
Mm-hmm.
And they asked me For directions...
Right.
I think.
It was amazing because they Just asked totally in french.
They didn't even Do like, a little
"Uh, how do you say" Or something like that.
They just walk up to me And one of 'em just goes
( Mimicking french )
And i was like, "Uh, i don't speak french."
And he's like, ( Mimicking angry french )
And i was like, "look i'm not Gonna learn to speak french
"While i'm talking to you.
"And because we're Not in france
It's not weird that i don't Speak french."
And he's like, He couldn't believe it
And his friend's like, ( French )
And he goes, ( Enunciating french ).
So i said, "Oh, ( gibberish ) !"
...I mean, you just have to Take out an ad in the paper
And say, "therapist, Please call this number."
I know...
Excuse me, one second-- ( Sneezes )
Oh my gosh !
I'm sorry, julie, you must get That all the time, though.
No, i re--
People sneezing All over you. Nonsense.
People are Disgusting, you know ?
Hey, ben.
Dad !
You've met, i take it, You've met julie.
Yeah, we were Just talking.
Julie, You've met ben.
Oh yeah.
I got here A little early.
I showed up A little early.
I have to tell you, this Is a little weird, y'know. What ?
Seeing the two of you together After all these years.
It's great, i think.
So, ben, why don't you Summarize your points.
Mm-hmm.
And thank julie For a lovely evening
And we should go Get something to eat
Because i am- I am so hungry I could--
You guys could Eat here.
I would love To eat here.
Well, well--
Why not ? I mean we're here.
I mean, i know You have appetizers
But can you actually Get a meal here ?
Oh yeah, Oh yeah !
You've never Eaten here, dad ?
He's eaten here, He knows that.
Let's just Eat here, dad.
Okay, can we Get a table, julie ?
Let's eat right here At the bar with like uh...
No, i just need to Talk to you privately, ben.
You're not gonna Fire me, are you, dad ?
I can't fire you, ben, You're my son.
Well, i mean I'm just saying
It's odd the way you're Talking like you're gonna--
Well i have some news And i'd rather you
Had a chance to Respond over there.
I do have some uh, Some good news and Some bad news, ben.
It doesn't Sound good, what ?
The good news Is that...
Well, let's come back To the good news.
Let me tell you The bad news.
The bad news is, Laura's getting married.
La-la, laura.
Laura.
She got engaged this weekend And she's getting married.
No, she's not.
Really ?
Yup.
Who's she getting Married to ?
Some guy she's been Going out with
Who plays in a band, Works in a bookstore.
I didn't know she was going out With a- with a guy at all.
Yeah, i had No idea myself
But this weekend they Got engaged to be married.
Are you all right ?
Dad, what Are you kidding ?
I just thought you would be Upset to hear that.
That laura's Getting married ?
Yeah.
Dad, that's great.
That's great news that Laura's getting married.
Of course, Why wouldn't a woman
In her position At her age get married.
Of course, that's What's gonna happen, right ?
That's what you do In your life
You reach an age And you get married.
I'm just surprised That you're not
Demonstrating any kind of Emotional response.
It's fine, that's great, I'm very happy for--
Julie !
What ?
Are you okay, Do you need something ?
Sorry, Sorry for uh, yelling.
Could i get A uh, uh...
Do you have zima ?
We should never eat At the bar again.
Well, it's not like It's a bar and grill.
Yeah.
That's the first giveaway, It's just a bar.
A lot of bars, though Have good food.
Yeah, that's not One of them.
Yeah.
( Yawn ) So how'd you sleep Last night, ben ?
It was okay, I was a little--
I think i had a little Too much to drink last night.
There's a point, dad, When you should say stop.
Well, y'know, i know that Last night was not easy for you
And i really didn't want to Inhibit you in any way.
What do you mean "Easy for me" ?
Just emotionally it was A difficult night.
Why, because you and me Went to the bar together ?
No, because uh, Laura announced her--
Dad, i would, i was Just joshing about that,
I could care less Laura's getting married.
Well--
I mean let her do what She wants, she's an adult.
I wanna tell you Something about emotions, ben.
Is that, like the Waves of the ocean...
Mm-mmm.
Emotions just Roll over you.
Wow, you're a great Therapist, dad.
You should just put therapy On a greeting card
And uh, sell them to your Patients and say,
"You don't have to come here Any more, just read this card."
Ben, i know it sounds corny, But it's true.
Your feelings--
Mm-hmm.
They're things that are Out of your control.
And sometimes you are The last to know--
One, is the last to know about How they feel about something.
Right, so you're saying that I'm denying my true feelings.
I should Respond to the--
No, sometimes denial's A healthy thing.
Uh, dad what are You saying ?
I mean, what's the Point of this ?
We deny things to Protect ourselves.
Dad, i told you I'm not denying.
I don't feel bad about it.
I think laura should get married To whoever she wants.
Okay, ben, you Have it your way,
But all i'm saying is You're lying to yourself.
I'll tell you Another thing, though,
I hope the guy that Laura is engaged to dies...
Today.
See now, I think that's--
I hope he dies today.
That's all.
( Chuckling )
But god bless her.
And i hope She's happy.
In iowa they, Y'know, for fun--
Because they don't have A lot of people out there
So they play with Animals more, i think.
I was out there and the guy Said they "cow tip".
Mm-hmm.
The guy explained it to me
He said, they, The cows sleep standing up
So these kids get drunk then They push over the sleeping cow.
Then they run from the cow like The cow's gonna chase them.
But i'm thinking, maybe the cows Don't even care when you Push them over.
They're sleeping standing up so Maybe when you knock them over,
The cow's like, "uh-ba, uh-ba, Oh this is much better !"
Dr. Katz' office.
Laura ! It's ben.
Yeah.
How are ya ?
Great.
Hey uh, I heard the news.
Oh, you did ?
I'm uh, We are thrilled.
Who's we ?
We... Me and The whole katz clan.
Well, thank you.
Well, you're welcome.
I mean i just wanted to Call and congratulate you
On uh, taking The big step.
I mean, i can't say I was surprised.
I mean, i knew It was coming.
Really ?
Yeah, i mean you can See the signs.
You can ?
I have been hearing it in your Voice for a long time, laura.
Hmm.
It was like a Self-satisfied lisp...
But sexy.
Uh.
That's why i don't have sympathy For these, like, guys You see on tv
Who can't get out of their house 'Cause they're too fat.
Mm-hmm.
Everybody else, i think is like, "Oh, that's too bad."
How do you get so fat...
You can't get out of Your own house ?
Don't you see that coming ?
What if you have a job And you're too fat.
What do you do Call in fat for work ?
You don't wanna do that.
Right.
Boss, i won't be Coming in today.
Well, you know How i'm really fat ?
I'm fatter today.
And i can't get out Of my own house.
Are you okay ?
What do you mean ?
You're not Upset or anything ?
That you got engaged ?
It's a celebration, laura.
Wow.
You know, wh-why Would i be unhappy
About you doing Something important ?
Wow, well that's Great to hear.
And i heard about The guy, hans.
That's a great name.
Yeah.
And he's in a Band, i hear.
Yup.
And he works in A bookstore, i hear.
Mm-hmm.
These are all Great things !
You're making me A little bit nervous.
Well, laura, look, When i heard the news--
Yeah ?
I couldn't have Been happier.
Really ?
You should have seen me.
I had a big smile.
I mean, I was like, elated.
And when i come in I'll show you the face i made.
Did you want to Talk your dad ?
Ha ha.
You were telling me That before you came here
You were seeing Another therapist.
Oh yeah.
I saw this other guy and i Didn't like him because uh...
Well, like one time i went in And i was talking to him
And i told him how i really Love to pig out sometimes,
Even when i'm Not hungry, you know ?
Like when you Try not to eat bad things
But then you decide, "I'm gonna eat something bad."
Then you go out And look for something.
You're like, "i'm gonna find Something and eat it !"
And i was describing to this Other psychiatrist
How i would eat candy bars Like, five at a time,
And i would just get sick.
And then i'd just lay there Feeling sick.
And i'd just be laying there-- And i described this to him
And he says to me, he goes,
"Why would you do that ?"
Yeah.
"Why would you eat candy When you don't even want it ?
I don't understand."
And i was like, "what do you Mean you don't understand ?"
You're a psychiat- chiatrist Guy.
What the hell you saying You don't understand ?
If you have a patient And tells you
Something that they do That's bad for them You can't just go,
"What are you weird ? Don't do that, that's weird."
Oh so, oh i get it So you're upset
Because she's Not engaged to you.
Well, i mean, I didn't propose.
Oh.
Apparently anybody could.
You snooze You lose, man.
Well, i just didn't Think to propose
I thought- i thought it Would be premature.
I didn't know there was Some sort of timetable,
I just thought like, eventually It's gonna happen.
Right.
And then some, some Loser rock 'n' roll guy
Who works part-time At a bookstore, just jumps in--
If you had it to do over again, Would you have proposed to her
If you knew this guy Was gonna propose to her ?
Oh, if i knew this guy Was gonna step in, then--
Step in, yeah.
And steal the thunder,
I, yeah, i would have done Something about it.
Have they set a date for The uh, for the uh, wedding ?
Well, i mean, she didn't Really talk about it.
She wa-- y'know, She was being very coy.
Whatever that date is, You have until about a week
Before that day, to turn The whole thing around.
Wait, so you think There's a chance
Maybe if i, If i act now i can--
Yeah, you could do Something really passionate
And just sort of--
Well, what's like, Really passionate ?
You go into-- i'll tell You what you do,
You go into That office tomorrow--
Yeah.
And you say, uh, "Laura, you are Making a mistake."
Right, but i mean--
"And if i let you Make that mistake
I'll feel like i'm Making a mistake."
Yeah, but, what if i'm Making a mistake by doing that.
You gotta Go for her.
You think so.
You think that i would, I would live--
Just do it, you're Gonna feel so good
If you do this.
So i should make it clear, My-my feelings.
Right.
Yeah, but what if She just like um--
No "what ifs".
There are no "what ifs".
Man, you are like patton,
You know, you can Fire up the troops.
You could--
I mean i'm gonna Go over there now
And i'm gonna, I'll tell her how i feel.
Right.
And that she's lost And she's young
And she's being plucked up by Some ideal of what's cool
And what's right to do with Some rock 'n' roll guy and--
Well you know, ben--
And i'm here to say, "look, i've Lived through that, baby."
Yeah. I've done it all.
Yeah.
I've gotta learn how To play an instrument.
That's all there is to it.
That was gonna be My next suggestion.
Laura, i noticed that uh,
You're not wearing your Engagement ring,
What's going on ?
Oh, i had to take it off 'Cause it was too small.
It was like cutting off the Circulation in my finger.
Mm-hmm.
I also called off The engagement.
You're kidding me.
No.
You called it off.
Yeah.
It must have been like an Emotional roller coaster,
The last few days.
Yeah.
But you seem to be Weathering the storm.
Yeah, i feel, I feel good.
Yeah... You look good.
The color's coming back In your finger.
It's almost worth it.
Yeah.
Y'know, i was really surprised At how ben took it, i mean--
I know it really-- he took me By uh, by surprise too.
It was like he Decided to be mature
And he really Stuck to it.
Yeah he-- He bit the bullet.
I think we, we forget--
I certainly tend to Forget from time to time
Just how mature he is and How he is capable of acting--
( Door opens )
Laura !
Hi, ben. ( Sigh )
Hey, dad.
We were just Talking about you.
( Huffing ) That's fine-- laura !
These are for you.
I couldn't afford the roses, So i bought these.
These are candies, They are not chocolates.
I couldn't afford them But they are jellybeans.
They are not heart-shaped Because i could not find
Jellybeans that were in a Heart-shaped container.
And then i got you this, It is a uh,
Well, i don't know exactly What kind of animal it is.
Now don't marry That idiot, okay ?
There, i said it.
Okay.
Now wait a sec, laura !
I did a lot of thinking When i ran up here.
And i think you are making The wrong decision, all right.
Laura, look at me.
Yeah.
( Dr. Katz ) Ben, what Happened to your--
Wait a minute !
What happened To your pants ?
I ripped my Pants, okay.
Look at my shirt, It's buttoned wrong.
I can't even Think straight anymore.
Hey, ben, there's Something you Should know.
Dad, i'm trying-- i'm in the Middle of this, i'm--
I know, i know.
I'm opening myself up.
I understand but Laura gave me some news
A few minutes ago that I think you should know.
Well before you Say that, dad,
Let me say my Piece here, alright ?
Laura...
You look me in the eye And tell me
You don't Love this guy.
I don't Love this guy.
You don't ?
No, i called off The engagement.
Really ? You did.
Yeah.
It's a good um, It's a good choice.
Nice... Nicely done.
Yeah.
I uh, dad, anything ?
Well i didn't anticipate you To come in like that.
Well i didn't think I was gonna either
But i got carried away.
No damage done.
No, no i guess not, You guys uh, carry on.
Okay.
I will uh--
I'll see you Back at the house.
Back out slowly.
Laura, good to see you.
Yeah.
And uh, good on The no marriage.
Very nice.
I'm in an elevator And a guy uh,
He wants me to Hold the elevator for him
But i have it By myself, y'know,
And that's like a Great thing in the city
To have a little privacy...
But the guy's running For the elevator
And wants me To hold it,
He's like, "hold the elevator, Hold the elevator"
So i just stared Straight ahead--
Like don't make eye contact That's the key, in these things.
But the guy's like Running really fast
And just before it closes He sticks his arm through
And then the door opens Automatically,
He gets on with me it's just me And him and i'm like, "Ha ha ha".
Then i pretended I was paralyzed
And like, "hey could you Hit "7" for me ?"
And i was like Banging my head on the wall
Where the numbers were.
And then i lifted up my foot To shake his hand.
I'm like, "hi, i'm kevin, How are you ?"
I always have this fantasy Of uh, of-of spending my life
Building a huge career That builds into being
President or something.
Like if i could be president And spend my whole life Getting to that day
And then just blow it all In one sentence.
'Cause whenever i see those Guys up here i think,
"How could you resist not just Throwing it all away, y'know ?
Mm-hmm.
It's your inauguration.
And they say, "do you swear to Uphold the constitution to the Best of your ability "
And just go, "no...
"No, i don't.
I don't swear it."
And see how long, like How long could you Keep the thing going.
The chief justice Would go "what ?"
"What do you mean You don't ?"
"No... You're old, duh."
And you're the president and Everyone's going,
"Oh, can't believe it."
But then if you just kept Dancing around the stage,
People would stay And they'd wait for you To regain your senses.
You know ?
Like, how long-- it would at Least be a couple hours
That you could Just walk around
Like flipping people's hats off
And going "eh", and like show Your ass or something.
If you actually, like Showed your ass
Then they'd put you-- You know some--
I don't know, i dunno, see This will never be tested.
( * The music )
Whoops, you know what The music means, louis,
Our time is up, We're gonna have to stop.
You know what I hate, dr. Katz--
I wish that, i try to Be careful not to be talking
About anything important when You tell me that our time is up
'Cause you just Snap out of it so fast
You just go, "i'm sorry The time's up" and uh,
But the second before you Looked so concerned
And the whole time You're just thinking
"5-4-3-2-1" !